


A Time to Change

by geethr75



Category: Mahabharata - Vyasa, महाभारत | Mahabharat (TV 2013)
Genre: AU, F/M, M/M, Not Canon Compliant, Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-19
Updated: 2017-11-22
Packaged: 2019-01-19 14:38:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 9,268
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12412224
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/geethr75/pseuds/geethr75
Summary: Truths come to light during the Rajasuya





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [arpita](https://archiveofourown.org/users/arpita/gifts), [goldenfairy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/goldenfairy/gifts).



"Abhimanyu is missing," Subhadra's tone held a hint of worry that was not lost on her husband or her brother. 

"Missing?" Krishna queried.

"The children were playing in the garden. The dasis swear no one came there. But now Abhimanyu is nowhere to be found. They are now searching the garden."

Arjuna put an arm around his wife's shoulder. "They'll find him. Don't worry. He's probably hiding in some bush."

Subhadra gave him a feeble smile. She tried to be brave, but it was so difficult. Abhimanyu was so young. And he was her only son. Involuntarily, her eyes went to Krishna. 

Krishna gave her a reassuring smile. Somehow, that comforted her.

“We’ll find him,” Krishna told her. 

Subhadra watched in some worry as her husband and her brother swept out of the room. She wondered if her child had strayed into the forest. Though the major part of the Khandava forest had been destroyed in the fire, there were some fringes remaining. The garden adjoined one of them. While it was neither so vast nor as dense as Khandava, it could yet be dangerous for a small boy. 

She started pacing the room. How could Abhimanyu have gone to the forest without anyone noticing? She was being fanciful. There was a very tall and thick wall between the garden and the jungle. There was no way he could have gone to the jungle. And his elder brothers were always very careful of him. They would have noticed if he was doing something dangerous. 

“Please bring him back safely,” she whispered, though she herself could not have said whom she was praying to. “Just bring him back to me!”

She tried to comfort herself, but the fears would not leave. It was going to be evening soon and she would need to pull herself together. There were guests to be fed, Brahmanas whose comforts had to be seen to. True, Draupadi was the one who was in charge of it all, but she needed all the help she could get from all of them.

Subhadra took a look at herself in the mirror. A very worried face was looking back at her, lips trembling and eyes bright with tears just about to overflow. She went to the basin at the corner and washed her face. Forcing a smile on to her face, she went out of the room.


	2. Chapter 2

Krishna gave a sideways glance at his best friend. Arjuna was concealing it well, but he was worried out of his mind. Only someone who knew him as well as Krishna could see it. 

“Don’t worry so much,” Krishna murmured, putting an arm around his shoulder. “He’ll be fine, I promise.”

“How can you promise that?” muttered Arjuna and Krishna sighed. He was simply trying to make his friend feel better. He could not bear to see Arjuna like this.

“Where could he have gone?” burst out Arjuna.

“Have you asked his brothers?”

Arjuna nodded. “They were playing hide-and-seek in the garden and they could not find him. They thought he had hidden well, but only after searching all the usual places and not finding him did they think of informing the dasis.”

“Did those usual places include the rather large tree that stands near the wall?”

Arjuna blanched. “It is the jungle on the other side! My God! If he fell-” 

And he was off, running towards the garden, like an arrow shot from a bow. Krishna sighed and followed at a brisk walk. Though he wished his friend would be less impulsive, he knew that he would not wish to change him for the world. Krishna would never say it, but he missed Arjuna. Indraprastha was a great city, but it tended to get cold, especially at night. 

They were brothers-in-law now, and that had made them circumspect about their passion for each other since neither of them wanted to cause Subhadra any pain. But that did not mean they did not stay away from each other. Krishna sighed. They were a mess, to be frank. It was bad enough when they were cousins and best friends, but then Arjuna had gone and fallen in love with Krishna’s little sister and Krishna had helped him to abduct and marry her.

None of that nor his missing Arjuna was going to help them find his nephew, thought he. And he ought to be thinking about that instead of trying to figure out their complicated and messed up love lives.

So rapt in thought was he that he bumped headlong into someone rounding the corner.

“Whoa, watch where you’re going!” Suyodhana grimaced. “First your friend runs past, without even paying attention to his guests, now you are in such a hurry, you just bump into me! What’s going on here?”

Krishna shrugged. “I’m sorry, I didn’t see you.”

“That doesn’t tell me what’s happening?”

Krishna looked at the other man. “My nephew is missing,” he said.

“Abhimanyu? He's my nephew too.” said Suyodhana. “What happened? And who is looking for him?”

“I don’t know, I’m going to find out. You’re welcome to join me.”

"Lead the way," said Suyodhana.


	3. Chapter 3

Arjuna was feeling desperate. He had questioned all the guards, and had examined the tree. It did grow close to the wall and one of its branches did extend over the wall. Abhimanyu could have jumped or fallen, though none of them could find any tracks on the ground outside the wall.

Krishna's presence was all that kept him from panicking. Just being with Krishna was enough to calm him. And the little touches helped too. Yudhistira, Bheema and the twins were scouring the city. Even Krishna agreed that it was unlikely for Abhimanyu to be in the forest.

"If he had jumped or fallen, some sign would have been there on the ground," the Captain of the guards had asserted and they could not but agree. 

But not knowing where his son was did not make finding him any easier. And in spite of their doubts, they had still decided to search the jungle. Suyodhana and his brothers were doing that along with Vasusena. Whatever differences they had in the past, Arjuna was grateful for his cousins' help.

Arjuna had been asked to stay back, to support his wife. But Subhadra was surrounded by women and Arjuna was left alone. Except for Krishna. The two men sat inside Krishna's chambers, near the window, waiting for some news. At some point, Krishna's fingers had curled around Arjuna and Arjuna gripped his friend's hand hard.

"You should be with Subhadra," said Krishna softly.

"I... I feel like an outsider there," 

Krishna nodded, “He’ll be fine," said he. "They'll find him."

Arjuna remembered that Krishna had lost his own son while a baby. Pradyumna had been abducted but had returned a young man, having slain his abductor. Yet, both Krishna and Rukmini had suffered in the intervening years.

"How did you bear it?" Arjuna asked now. He did not think he would be able to survive one more day of this uncertainty. 

Krishna did not ask him what he meant. He always knew what was there in Arjuna's mind. 

"I do not know how. But I knew Rukmini needed me to be strong. And so I was."

"And Subhadra would need me to be strong," said Arjuna.

"Yes, but you don't have to be strong with me," 

Arjuna looked at Krishna, but Krishna was not looking at him. He wished Krishna would turn his head and look at him. He wished Krishna would take him into his arms and kiss him. 

He turned his head away. They were not young men anymore. They could not give in to their passion, forgetting everything. They had to be discreet and careful, they could not afford to start a scandal. But Arjuna wished they could.

"Krishna," he said, his voice hoarse.

Krishna turned to him. Arjuna leaned forward and kissed his cousin. Krishna kissed him back, their arms came around each other and they were lost in abandon till a loud cough recalled them to the world and they broke apart.

Kunti and Bheeshma stood at the door, their brows furrowed with anger.

"Your son has been found," said Bheeshma in clipped tones. "He's safe-"

Arjuna did not wait to hear the rest, springing to his feet and racing out. Krishna followed in a more leisurely fashion. Kunti lay a hand on his arm.

"I need to talk to you," he could hear her suppressed rage.

He lifted his eyebrows at her. "Later, aunt." 

She compressed her lips, but remained silent, for which he was grateful. While he couldn’t care less about anyone finding out about him and Arjuna, this was not how he would have preferred to be discovered. And then there was Subhadra. She had known about them, of course, just as his own wives had known, but they would have expected them to be circumspect and not to allow rumours and gossips about them to spread.

Ah well, what was done was done. There wasn’t anything he could do about it now. But the most immediate of their worries was over now. Abhimanyu was safe. That was all that mattered for now.


	4. Chapter 4

Arjuna sank down on the bed, exhausted. Abhimanyu was asleep and so was Subhadra, her arms protectively around the child. Arjuna smiled fondly as he looked at them. Their son had given all of them a scare.

Abhimanyu had hidden in the tree, as they had suspected. And he had slid down on to the wall and had crept along it till he found a safe place to jump down, near the river. He had thought of it as hiding, he explained. He had not expected anyone to be worried. He had run into the jungle, he told them. It was Vikarna who had found him.

Arjuna rose from the bed. He was not feeling sleepy, though he felt utterly fatigued. He looked at his wife and son once more and went out of the room. He had to go to Krishna. Only in his arms would he find sleep tonight.

“Hey,” someone called him as he passed an open door. Bheema staggered out, a goblet in his hand. “We were celebrating,” he said. “Why don’t you come and join us?”

Though his brother made a great appearance of being drunk, Arjuna knew better. Bheema never got drunk. And for all the show he gave, his speech was not slurred.

“Who are we?” he asked as he entered the room and grimaced. A few of his cousins lay scattered all over the room, in various stages of inebriation. Only Bheema and Suyodhana appeared to be sober.

“I should have known,” he muttered.

“They all needed a break,” said Suyodhana, shaking his head. “But I never expected things would get this bad.”

“You seem all right,” said Arjuna.

“I don’t get drunk easily,” said Suyodhana. “And never in company.”

Bheema looked at him, “That’s something we have in common then.”

Suyodhana laughed. “Yes. And that means your little ploy to get me drunk is not working!”

Bheema grinned. “It was worth a try.”

“Well, since you have both established that, whatever it is, I think I should be leaving.” Said Arjuna.

“You can’t leave,” said Suyodhana. “You and your brother have to help me get my brothers back to their rooms.”

Bheema looked around, “There’s only twenty of them. You and I can manage. Why bother Arjuna?”

“It’s all right. I’ll help,” said Arjuna. “I need something to do.”

Bheema lifted two of his cousins, Suyodhana got one and Arjuna one and they moved down the corridor, finding the rooms of each one and putting them into the bed and leaving their attendants to care for them.

Vasusena came into the room just as Bheema was directing his attendants to clean the room. 

“What do you want?” Bheema’s voice held hostility. Arjuna sighed. He could never understand what Bheema had against this man. Vasusena had tried to steal Arjuna’s limelight that day at the Rangbhoomi. Why was Bheema bothered so much?

Vasusena’s lips thinned in anger and it struck Arjuna that he suddenly looked very familiar. He had seen this very same look before, though he could not place where.

“Leave it,” Suyodhana’s arm gripped his friend’s shoulder. “We are guests here.”

“I know,” said Vasusena. “I came looking for you. Your father was asking for you.”

“Come, then,” Suyodhana bowed to them both. “We’ll take our leave of you, cousins.”

Arjuna looked at Bheema. “You want to take a walk?”

Bheema nodded.


	5. Chapter 5

Suyodhana gave his friend a sideways glance. Vasusena’s face was grim and no wonder. Bheema really seemed to have a bone to pick with Vasusena. In all honesty, Suyodhana could not pretend ignorance of the reasons for Bheema’s ire. And in all honesty, he could not blame Bheema either. But he did not want Vasusena to be caught in the middle.

“Are you all right?” he asked now.

Vasusena gave him a look that plainly said he was asking a foolish question. But what he said was, “I think it is high time you and Bheema worked out whatever is between you two.”

Suyodhana nodded. “I was thinking the same.”

Vasusena chuckled. “I’m disappointed. I was expecting you to deny it, as you usually do.”

“That was when we were in Hastinapura and my cousins were here, in Indraprastha.”

“So?”

Suyodhana shrugged. “You are getting caught in the middle of our unresolved issues. Bheema has a lot of bones to pick with me. The poisoning, the lac house,” he shook his head. “And he’s had to keep it all in. He can’t even be rude to me because of that moralizing older brother of his. You are his whipping boy. I don’t like that.”

“Seems to me you are mistaking the nature of the bones he has to pick.”

“All right. Yes, that too. But, that was so long ago and it was only the one time.”

“I did not need to know that.”

“Yes, well, drawbacks of being my friend.”

“I’ll take it, then,”

Suyodhana grinned. Most of the time, he felt as if he was taking Vasusena for granted, but his friend did not seem bothered. He was most fortunate to have Vasusena for a friend. If only all his relationships were as uncomplicated.

“What does my father want?” he asked.

Vasusena shrugged. “He heard Arjuna’s son went missing and that Vikarna had rescued him from the perils of the jungle. I guess he wants to know the details.”

Suyodhana grimaced. “More like he wants to accuse me of spiriting the boy away and returning him when the hue and cry started.”

“That’s not fair,” said Vasusena. “He loves you. He’s always taken your side.”

“Only when no one else is listening! He pretends when others are around.”

“He’s just being diplomatic. He’s a King.”

“You, my friend, are the best.”

Vasusena smiled with a small shake of his head, but remained silent. They had reached the door to Dhritarashtra’s mansion. 

“If he says something you don’t like, don’t take it to heart,” was Vasusena’s advice as they hugged and parted.


	6. Chapter 6

The walkways in the gardens lay deserted. The moon bathed everything in a silvery glow that seemed to leech all colour out of the landscape. The sight reminded Bheema of their days in the forest, while they were fleeing from the lac house. It also reminded him of how late the hour was.

"What are you doing up so late?" He asked Arjuna, more to divert his own thoughts than anything else. He was not drunk, but whatever little inebriation the wine provided was already wearing off. 

Arjuna shrugged. "I couldn't sleep. Too active a brain I guess."

"So you decided to take a walk?"

"No, I was going to Krishna."

Bheema suppressed an inward groan. After the way mother and grandfather walked in on them, couldn't Arjuna have waited at least a day? Of course, Bheema had known about their relationship before. But he'd assumed it was at an end when Arjuna married Krishna's sister.

"Did mother talk to you?" He asked Arjuna, wondering if there was a more delicate way of asking this.

"No." said Arjuna. "I assumed she would ask Yudhistira or you to do it."

Bheema shrugged. "She never asked me." He did not add that Yudhistira had refused her. Yudhistira was quite adamant when it came to some things and interfering in his brothers' personal lives was one of them. Kunti had been angry, but Arjuna and Krishna were both adults and were perfectly capable of taking their own decisions. They could have been more circumspect, but then, neither mother nor grandfather had any right to walk into Krishna's rooms unannounced, as Yudhistira had pointed out gently to their mother. Krishna was a guest and was entitled to his privacy.

"Isn't it a bit awkward for you?" Bheema asked now. "Being married to his sister?"

Arjuna shrugged. "She knows. So do Krishna's wives. His children might not be aware. We- we weren't exactly hiding when I was in Dwaraka."

"You mean when you were on exile."

Arjuna nodded.

Bheema shook his head. His brother seemed even more messed up than him. Arjuna's time in Dwaraka had culminated in the abduction of Subhadra. And that was after-? He sighed. 

Arjuna glanced at him. "Thinking about how messed up it is?"

"Don't you ever?"

"I try to go with the flow and leave the worrying to Krishna. As long as we are circumspect, no one really minds."

Bheema did not know how to answer that. 

"Did mother tell Yudhistira to talk to me?" Arjuna asked now.

Bheema made no answer, but there was no need to. Arjuna knew their mother too and much as they all loved her, she seemed to have difficulty in accepting they were adults. And Yudhistira's obduracy on certain matters were a direct reaction to Kunti's overprotectiveness. Which brought Bheema back to what he was trying to forget in wine that evening.

Suyodhana. Yudhistira had told Bheema that Suyodhana was their guest and as such his person was inviolate. 

"We're at peace with them," he had told him. "It wouldn't do for you to break it by trying to pick a fight with our cousin."

"How could you have forgotten all that he'd done to us?" Bheema had demanded furiously. "The lac house, trying to poison me?"

"No harm was done ultimately," Yudhistira had reminded him.

"No harm to you, you mean!" 

A reproachful and sad look had come to Yudhistira's face and Bheema had to swallow his anger and apologize to his brother and promise not to hurt Suyodhana whilst he was their guest. Right now Bheema wished he hadn't made that promise. Taunting Vasusena did not relieve his animosity. And he was angry enough to rip Suyodhana apart every time he saw him. 

Rip him apart and kiss him senseless at the same time. 

Bheema sighed again. How messed up was that?


	7. Chapter 7

There was a nip in the air and Vasusena shivered slightly. Night was never his favourite time and he preferred the warm fieriness of the sun to the cool serenity of the moon. The cold bothered him more than it did anyone he knew. Padmavathy laughed about it, teasing him mercilessly. So did Bhanumathy, Suyodhana's wife, though how she knew about his aversion to cold was a mystery. Surely, his wife and Bhanumathy did not discuss that. His face heated up at the thought and he hoped women had better things to talk about.

Vasusena sighed. He missed his family. His wife most of all. Padmavathy was who kept him grounded. Her presence was a comfort in trying times. Not that this was a trying time. This was as near to a holiday as a King not related to the hosts of a sacrifice could ever have. He had nothing to do, but to enjoy the amenities and pleasures the city of the Pandavas had to offer.

The search for the child had been a welcome distraction. He had been with Vikarna when they found the boy, and he rather liked the fearlessness in the child. He must have got it from his father. Even though there was never any love lost between them, fear was something one could never accuse Arjuna of. 

He frowned as he thought of Bheema's rudeness. The big man's derision and rudeness had not abated one bit. And while it might be in part a siphoning off of his anger for Suyodhana on to his best friend, Vasusena had a feeling there was something more there. Not that it was any of his business. But he wondered if his friend had been completely honest about everything, especially the "only one time". Again, it was none of his business, but he cared for Bhanumathy almost as much as he cared for Suyodhana. And he did not want unresolved conflicts from the past to affect their lives.

He stopped short at the sound of voices, then continued on his way. A grimace was on his face as he had recognized who the voices belonged to. Arjuna and Bheema. Just his luck! Of all the people to be wandering sleepless in this cold night, he had to run into these two. 

He was debating whether he should turn into one of the many paths that forked from the main one when he turned a corner and came face to face with the Pandava brothers. He gave them a curt nod and would have passed them if not for a strange sound that arrested his attention. From the sudden stillness that assailed the two brothers, it was evident they heard it too.

It was the sound of a flute, very soft, but unmistakable.


	8. Chapter 8

"Krishna!" Breathed Arjuna. "What's he doing here?"

Bheema frowned. "How can you be sure it's him? It might be one of the musicians trying to practice without any distractions."

"I know." Said Arjuna as he moved in the direction from where the notes came, Bheema following. Vasusena was about to walk away when Bheema turned to him and growled, "Why don't you come too? Unless you have something else to do?"

Bheema was half-hoping Vasusena would decline to accompany them and was surprised when he nodded and followed them. He cursed the impulse that made him ask. He was trying to frame some kind of an apology, but it was not coming. Anyway what good would an apology do? He'd probably be rude to the man again. 

Bheema turned his attention to his brother. Arjuna seemed to have a new spring in his step. He really must love Krishna, thought Bheema. And he wished there was some way he could get rid of Vasusena. He had not thought much when he asked the man to accompany them. But now he was risking his brother's reputation and that of Krishna too. How Suyodhana would enjoy learning about this!

Krishna was not too difficult to find. He was sitting by himself underneath a tree, eyes closed, seemingly lost in the music he made. They all stopped, hesitant to disturb him. They were still in the shadows of the trees that flanked the path they were on, so even if he opened his eyes, it was not likely he would spot them. Bheema thought it might be best if they left, and he was about to suggest the same to his brother when someone appeared at the other side of the tree. 

"Will you stop that noise?" Kunti sounded angry.

Krishna opened his eyes and smiled at his aunt. "Why, aunt, what's wrong? Was my playing that horrific?"

"I want this meeting to be private!" Snapped Kunti. "What if someone comes here, looking for the source of that noise?"

"Everyone should be asleep by now. Isn't that why you asked to meet me at this time and at this place? So tell me, aunt, what can I do for you?"

"You know what. I want you to leave Arjuna. He has a wife and a son."

"Only one wife and one son?" Krishna's tone was mocking. "What happened to the others?"

"You know what I mean! What is between you two... it cannot continue! You should know that."

"I do not see that, Aunt." Krishna's voice was steely now. "We are not making a spectacle of ourselves. We are not embarrassing our families. I don't see why we should give each other up simply because you feel offended by it!"

"I'll tell your sister," she said.

"She already knows," Krishna sounded bored.

"Then I shall ensure your sons come to know. I'm sure they'll be happy with their father's relationship with their uncle!"

"If you do that, I too shall have no choice but to reveal your secret to the world."

"My secret? What secret?"

"Vasusena." Replied Krishna.

Kunti's face went pale. "How could you know that?"

Krishna smiled. "I just do. So, what say you aunt? Shall we have a truce? We are discreet, you know, you need have no fear we'll embarrass you in anyway. And your secret shall be safe with me."

"That's blackmail."

"What do you call what you were attempting to do?"

Kunti's shoulders slumped. "All right. You win. You won't tell anyone about Vasusena."

"Not unless they ask me in so many words what your relation is to him."

Kunti snorted. "Playing with words, are we? You won't tell anyone. You have to promise me that. And in return, I will turn a blind eye to whatever peccadillos you and my son get up to."

"I promise. I won't tell anyone about Vasusena. And provided you don't burst upon us unannounced, you won't need to turn a blind eye to anything."

"I am very disappointed in you." she turned around and left, angry.

"The feeling's quite mutual, aunt," muttered Krishna, a faintly contemptuous smile tugging his lips.


	9. Chapter 9

Arjuna suddenly turned to Vasusena. "Have you any idea what they were talking about?"

Vasusena shook his head. He looked as bewildered as they all felt. Arjuna frowned. Promise or no promise, he had to find out.

He went to Krishna, not caring if the other two were following. He was angry with his mother. How dared she! But he was also angry with Krishna. He knew something that involved Vasusena, something that their mother wanted kept secret so badly that she was willing to make a deal with Krishna. And yet, for all the years they'd known each other, had been intimate, Krishna had never told him or even hinted at such a knowledge. How could he have kept it from him?

Krishna smiled at him. "I knew you were there," said he, his smile most disarming. Arjuna was not disarmed. His anger was not that easily abated.

"Did you? Really? And what was that all about?"

"I too would like to know that," said Bheema, scowling fiercely.

"I too would, since you chose to involve me in this," said Vasusena, frowning and belligerent. His belligerence calmed Arjuna. This was between him and Krishna. Neither Vasusena nor Bheema had as much right as he to be angry.

"Whatever you want to know, you should talk to my aunt." Krishna said drily. 

"As if she would tell us!" Snapped Bheema.

"When your mother has chosen not to tell you, why do you expect me to? Especially now when I've promised not to?"

"But that does not explain why you haven't told me all this time!" said Arjuna angrily.

"Because it was and still is your mother's secret to reveal, not mine."

"How does that involve me?" Vasusena began and then stopped, his eyes going wide with horror. "No!"

"You've guessed, I see," said Krishna, mildly amused.

"I think I've always suspected," muttered Vasusena, raking his hand through his hair. He looked obviously distressed. "Not precisely this, but..."

"You don't seem happy," remarked Krishna.

"Sorry for interrupting," said Bheema, his voice heavy with sarcasm. "What exactly are you two talking about?"

Krishna smiled and Vasusena said hastily, "Nothing. It is of no importance. I'll just leave then."

"You're not going anywhere till you tell us," growled Bheema, his eyes narrowed. 

Arjuna too was watching the man with frowning concentration. He looked pale, but had composed himself, and his eyes held some anger now, his lips were compressed. Arjuna gasped aloud, unable to help himself. With that expression on his face, Vasusena looked exactly like their mother. Arjuna was beginning to have an inkling of what secret regarding Vasusena their mother was harbouring. Surely, this resemblance was no coincidence! 

Bheema looked at him. "What is it? Are you all right?" He caught Arjuna by the shoulder, his anxious eyes gazing at his face. "You look quite pale. What happened?"

Arjuna's thoughts were in turmoil. He did not know what to say or do. Apart from a choking dread, he could not feel anything either. But he could not go to pieces here. He said, his voice shaking. "I'm all right, help me to my room." He looked at Vasusena. "You better go."

Vasusena gave him a glance that was quite inscrutable before he turned and left.

Bheema frowned as Vasusena left but said nothing as he hovered solicitously near Arjuna as they made their way back to the palace.


	10. Chapter 10

Bheema was worried as he helped his brother to his room. His worry over Arjuna kept him from puzzling about what secret their mother was harbouring. Bheema had never felt so helpless. Arjuna had never ever had a severe illness in his memory. An occasional fever or cold was all any of them had ever suffered from.

Arjuna seemed to miraculously recover once they were back in his room. Bheema gaped at his brother.

"You were pretending?"

"Not completely, but-it seemed prudent."

"Prudent?"

"Haven't you guessed it yet?"

"I was a little preoccupied with you to think of it!"

Arjuna sat and raked his hand through his hair. "My guess might be wrong. I hope it is. But I fear I'm right."

"Will you just tell me what you're talking about?"

"Vasusena," said Arjuna, "is our mother's son!"

Bheema's first impulse was to refute. Vasusena was a Suta. How was it possible for him to be their mother's son? But then he remembered how his mother had given in to Krishna's threat. And he also remembered Vasusena's expression of horror as he realized the truth. If he'd in fact been a Suta, he would never have suspected something else.

"What makes you say that?" His voice was steady.

"His face, his expressions," Arjuna sighed. "They are exactly like mother's. It is surprising no one has ever noticed it before."

Bheema frowned, again about to refute, but stopping himself and forcing himself to think objectively. And he could see what Arjuna was driving at. Now that they knew it, it did seem incredible that no one had ever noticed Vasusena's resemblance to their mother and to Arjuna who was almost the spitting image of their mother. Had it not been for the difference in colouring and Arjuna's high cheek bones, the resemblance would have been really remarkable. But even as it was, it was noteworthy.

Except they had all been blinded by prejudice, thought Bheema. How many of them had actually paid attention to what Vasusena looked like? The only relief was Suyodhana had been equally blind. He had probably never gazed at Arjuna properly to notice the resemblance with his best friend.

Bheema looked at Arjuna. "We would need to tell Yudhistira."

Arjuna shook his head. "We can't. It's still only guesswork. Besides, Krishna is right. This is mother's secret and it is for her to reveal."

"So you are saying we should just keep it to ourselves?" 

"I don't like it either. But...I don't know.... it seems so wrong to keep this a secret, and yet... what do you think?"

Bheema frowned. He did not like it. It was too big for them. He did not want this decision. But it seemed he had no choice.

"I think we should go to bed now," said Bheema. "And let's decide what to do in the morning."

Hopefully, their heads would be clearer by then.

Arjuna nodded. "Let's decide in the morning then."


	11. Chapter 11

Morning brought no clearer head, but only a headache. Bheema groaned as the light pricked his eyes like needles. He wondered if Suyodhana was feeling as bad. He hoped so. That would make it all bearable. He grinned as he pictured Suyodhana with a splitting headache.

The grin faded at the memory of all that happened the previous night came back. He splashed water over his face and head almost savagely. Wasn't his life messed up already? Wasn't it complicated enough without having to add an illegitimate older brother into it? And that too a man he had hated, despised and mocked and insulted for so long.

Bheema completed his ablutions and got dressed almost mechanically. He did not want to think and yet, thoughts seemed not to leave him. He breakfasted with Balandhara, preferring her understanding silence to the loud boisterousness that he might have got from his brothers. She gave him a concerned look, but did not ask him anything. Bheema was grateful for that, he did not think he was ready for any questions just then.

She was busy, he knew. Not as busy as Draupadi, but still busy. And somehow it upset him today. Draupadi being busy was something he was prepared to understand. She belonged to all of them and was queen after all. But Balandhara was his and his alone. Why should she be involved in all these jobs? Weren't there maids enough?

He suddenly felt ashamed of his thoughts. True, Draupadi was their common wife, but she'd given more of herself to each of them than any woman would have. And here he was, grudging the help that his wife was giving her. His heart ached for Draupadi, and not for the first time, he wished that she were his and his alone.

"Oh really?" Mocked a voice in his mind that sounded like Suyodhana. "Would that have made you happy? Would you have forgotten everything then?"

Bheema left his rooms with a grim face. He wished there was something for him to do. But the fact was there wasn't. Having a hundred cousins meant that there were plenty of people to help, even when the event was as elaborate as the Rajasuya. 

Yudhistira was the one who insisted that all the major tasks be given to their cousins. It was a peace offering, a way to make them feel at home. But it did leave Bheema with too much time on his hands since he only had the most perfunctory tasks to perform.

He was not surprised when his feet carried him to the treasure house which had been built just to store the gifts given by the Royalty attending the Rajasuya. Suyodhana had been entrusted with the task of receiving the gifts. And he was busy. Bheema watched him as he went about his task, all grace and courtesy. 

He waited till there were no one around before approaching his cousin.

"You do this very well," he remarked by way of a greeting.

Suyodhana frowned. "Do what?"

"Doing the polite with these people. So courteous!"

"So?"

"Nothing," Bheema shook his head. "You never were that polite to us."

Suyodhana stiffened. "What do you want?"

"Nothing from you, that's for certain." Bheema stalked off. 

He spent the rest of the day in the practice arena, practicing with the mace and having bouts of wrestling matches with the soldiers on guard.


	12. Chapter 12

Vasusena stayed inside his room the entire day. He hoped Suyodhana would be too busy with his work to notice. The fact is, he did not know how to handle the truth. Of all the scenarios he had imagined for finding out who he really was, this was never one. It boggled his imagination. Queen Kunti? His mother? Really? How was that even possible?

And yet, he knew it was. And he really wished he could unhear all the things he heard and forget what he’d learned last night. The Pandavas had been enemies for so long and even if by some miracle, they became friends, well, there was still the fact that they were one messed up family. He’d seen the way Arjuna and Krishna looked at each other, and if that was not messed up, he didn’t know what was.

He sighed. He couldn’t stay in his room forever. He had to get out sooner or later, go out, smile, pretend everything is fine. He could only hope Arjuna and Bheema would play along. Bheema might, but Arjuna was a different kettle of fish altogether. He was tenacious and he might not be happy to leave things as they were. He might insist that they get to know each other, a prospect that caused Vasusena to shudder.

There would be no escaping it, thought he unhappily. He wondered if he should confide in Suyodhana. That seemed like a good plan. And perhaps, Suyodhana would find a way to smuggle him out of Indraprastha and back to Anga before his new found brothers would come calling.

The day passed slowly, his enforced inactivity not improving his mood. He paced the room for a while, stood looking out of the window for a while, tried to think of how to tell his wife about all this, and yet, when he looked outside, the sun was in the zenith. The day was far from being over.

There was a knock at the door and Vasusena frowned as he bade enter. It was Arjuna, causing Vasusena to think sadly that he would much have preferred to be wrong.

“You look awful,” said Arjuna. 

“Is that how you always greet people?” asked Vasusena.

“Only when they are related to me,” grinned Arjuna.

Vasusena groaned and buried his face in his hands. “Don’t remind me.”

Arjuna laughed. “You sound as if some calamity has befallen you.”

“Not a calamity,” said Vasusena wearily. “A catastrophe.”

“Yea, well, we Kurus are a crazy family. But you already know that. I mean, you are Suyodhana’s friend, so you should have an idea of how we are.”

“I don’t know if that is an insult or not.”

“Relax,” Arjuna smiled, but there was a faint trace of worry there. He’s nervous, Vasusena realized. He’s just putting on a brave face.

“Why don’t you sit down?” asked Vasusena. “And let us talk about this, like rational people.”

“What is there to talk about?” asked Arjuna as he sat down.

“Don’t you think people are going to talk if you and I suddenly become friendly? I mean, unless you want the world to know, wouldn’t it be better to behave as if, well, we are still…” his voice trailed off at the hurt expression on Arjuna’s face.

“That’s what you want, isn’t it? To pretend as if we mean nothing to you.”

“Look, with all due respect to our new found relationship, you do mean nothing to me. I don’t have to pretend anything. I cannot simply start having feelings for you because I learned you are my brother.”

“I know,” Arjuna grated out. “Do you think this is easy for me? I understand exactly how you feel, which is why I think we could try and get to know each other. Because, in spite of how we might feel for each other right now, the fact remains that we are brothers. And I for one would prefer if we don’t waste our time trading insults in some senseless fight for one-upmanship.”

Vasusena stared at his brother. “I need to talk to Suyodhana,” said he finally, grasping at straws.

“Yes, that’s a convenient excuse, isn’t it? As if he owns you.” He paused. “He doesn’t, does he?”

“Of course not,” Vasusena muttered. “And you’re right. I’m insulting him by insinuating I need his permission. But I want him to know. Can’t you understand that?”

“Are you two lovers?”

“Contrary to popular perception, no.”

Arjuna nodded. “I thought so too. Anyway,” he rose. “I should be going. I hope you won’t make up excuses for not being our brother. We ought at least to make an effort.”

Vasusena nodded, feeling something constrict his throat, that he could not speak.


	13. Chapter 13

Krishna's rooms were empty. Arjuna frowned till he remembered that Krishna too had his duties. Though Arjuna was not certain about the advisability of his decision about going to see Vasusena, he had no regrets about it either. Somebody had to try and break the ice, after all. 

He sat down by the window. He felt the need to be alone for a while, and this was the best place. Since Krishna was at his duties, no one was likely to come here. 

Arjuna needed time to think. He still wasn't certain if he did the right thing by approaching Vasusena. The man might be their brother, but did it really change anything? He still was Suyodhana's friend and ally. And while Yudhistira might fool himself that their issues with their cousin was in the past, Arjuna knew better. They might be at peace right now, but that did not mean they were going to be at peace forever. And he doubted very much if the truth about Vasusena would change anything.

He shrugged. He would worry about the future when it came. In the mean time, he had to think if he should tell Yudhistira or not. They had planned to decide in the morning, but they could not even meet in the morning.

Didn't Yudhistira have a right to know? And while they were all honour-bound to protect their mother's reputation, telling Yudhistira certainly could not affect her good name, could it? And it was not as if she had told them herself. He sighed. Why hadn't she told them? How could she have kept such a thing from them? Did she have so little faith in them?

But if Yudhistira were to learn, he was certain to confront their mother with it. What if she denied it? Arjuna did not think she would actually lie. She might have lied by omission, but a deliberate lie was beyond her. And if Yudhistira did confront her, then she would learn how they had found out. She would know how they had eavesdropped on her conversation with Krishna. 

Arjuna grimaced. It was not going to be pretty. But he was fairly certain he would survive it. His brothers had a right to know. And what right had he to make decisions for them? And as for their mother, if she wanted it kept a secret, then they would. It did not seem as if Vasusena was too eager to announce the truth to the world either.

Arjuna rose and went out of the room, purpose in his stride. He had to find Bheema. Then he had to find the King. Everything else could wait.


	14. Chapter 14

Suyodhana was tired. But not so tired that he couldn't worry about his friend. He had just learned that Vasusena had not left his chambers all day. That worried him. 

He was also intrigued by Bheema's visit to him. He'd never seen Bheema so agitated. And he wanted to know what had caused it. But Bheema would need to wait. He needed to go to Vasusena first.

Vasusena opened the door at his knock. In the indifferent light, he looked a bit haggard, but Suyodhana could not be certain it was because of the light. 

"You look awful. What happened? I heard you hadn't left your room all day."

"One question at a time please," said Vasusena. "And I was about to come to you."

"What happened?" Asked Suyodhana.

"Sit down," said Vasusena, throwing himself on the couch. "It's something I learned last night. And you're not going to like it."

"What is it?" Suyodhana sat down, really worried now.

"I learned something about my real parents."

"Your real parents? You mean your parents are not your parents?"

"I'd suspected for a long time that I wasn't their son in fact. I mean, there were just too many differences... and... I don't know... it was a feeling I had..."

"Well, who is it? Your real parents?"

"I don't know who my father is-yet. But I learned my mother is... your aunt, Kunti."

Suyodhana started. "No!"

"It's true, I'm afraid."

"No, it's not. If she told you that, she's lying to you!"

"She didn't tell me."

Suyodhana shook his head. He couldn't believe it. Vasusena couldn't be their brother. He just couldn't. It was not possible. It had to be a lie. 

"How did you learn this, then?" He asked, his voice shaking.

He listened to Vasusena's narrative without interrupting. 

"It's only a guess then," he said. He was groping for straws. "You can't be certain."

"Suyodhana," said Vasusena softly. "This changes nothing between us. You know that, or at least you should."

"You're saying that things will go on just as they had been all this time?" Suyodhana got up from where he was sitting and started pacing. "That you would still be my friend, knowing I tried to kill your brothers."

"They mean nothing to me! Can't you see that?"

"They mean nothing to you-yet. But soon they will. Arjuna has already made overtures. Soon, the others will too. And before you know it, you'll be one of them."

Vasusena got up and caught him by the shoulder, looking into his eyes. "What are you really afraid of, my friend? You're never going to lose me. That I can promise."

Suyodhana looked into the concerned face of his friend. "I know," he said as he pulled Vasusena into a hug. "I know."

"Bheema knows, you said?" He asked as he sat down again. Vasusena remained standing.

"He does. And I think he believes we are lovers."

"What? That's ridiculous!"

"Not to him, it isn't. I think you ought to set the record straight."

"I don't want to talk about Bheema right now. And what kind of a brother are you, anyway?"

Vasusena grinned. "I don't care about Bheema and you know that. But I'm concerned about you. And about your wife."

Suyodhana sighed. "I can't hurt her,"

"If you go on as you are, it's inevitable. You need to sort this out. And I think it's time that you told me about this "only one time," you keep talking about. I mean, when did you two ever have the chance?"

"On our way back from Dwaraka," said Suyodhana. "After our training under Balarama. We were both homesick and we were talking about home and about our Gurukula days, and-" he shook his head. "It just happened. We were both embarrassed in the morning, and we both pretended it never happened."

"Good to see that's working so well," muttered Vasusena, but the concern in his eyes robbed the words of their sting.

"All right. Perhaps it wasn't such a great idea. You don't have to be sarcastic about it."

He rose. It seemed Bheema could not wait after all. 

"And I'll take your advice. Who knows, you might not be this tolerant in future."

Vasusena rolled his eyes.


	15. Chapter 15

If Bheema was surprised to see Suyodhana at his door so late, he did not show it.

"What do you want?" He asked.

"Ask me to come in, and I'll tell you."

"I've no time for your games," but Bheema did move aside, allowing Suyodhana to enter the room.

"Your brother is of the opinion that I should work out my differences with you."

"My brother? Oh." He shook his head as he sat down. "Funny. I never thought you'd be so accepting of this."

"I'm not. Being accepting I mean. But I'm trying to. For his sake."

Bheema felt a flare of something remarkably like jealousy.

"How do you plan to work out our differences? Have a go at each other in the wrestling arena? A fight with the maces?"

"I was thinking of something like this," said Suyodhana as he kissed Bheema. Bheema tasted just as he did in his memories, and in his dreams. And Suyodhana put his arms around the other man, holding tight. A moan broke from him as Bheema responded, putting his arms around him and kissing him back.

"It's been so long," muttered Bheema as they broke apart. 

"You don't know how badly I've wanted this," whispered Suyodhana, his fingers caressing Bheema's face.

"I can imagine," Bheema whispered before kissing him again.

Later, in bed, Bheema pulled Suyodhana closer and said, "Does this resolve anything?"

"I don't know," Suyodhana. "It resolves a lot of sexual tension for sure."

"That's not the only tension between us, is it?"

Suyodhana narrowed his eyes. "What are you talking about?"

"Perhaps I'm talking about the fact that you tried to kill me more than once."

"You don't seriously believe that," said Suyodhana.

"Don't I? Was it my imagination that you poisoned me?"

"I drugged you and threw you in a river. I don't deny that. But what was I supposed to do? You were hurting us! Physically hurting us! And no one would believe it! No one tried to put a stop to it!"

Bheema stared at Suyodhana, dumbfounded. "So you try to kill me?"

"I was trying to protect my brothers!" 

"And the Lac House? What was that about?"

"What about it?"

"You were planning to burn us to death!"

"Planning being the operative word here. I only planned. I never set fire to that house. You did."

"Oh yes, we were supposed to wait for Purochana to set fire to it, weren't we?"

"Purochana must have been singularly inept if he failed to get any opportunity to set fire to the house in the course of a year!"

Bheema narrowed his eyes. "What are you trying to say? That you never intended to do it?"

"No. But once you were gone, I... forgot about it... my plan, that is. I was busy, you were not there, so..." he shrugged. "I forgot."

"Great." Muttered Bheema.

"But that's all in the past," said Suyodhana, trying to sound casual. He knew how stubborn Bheema could be. And in spite of their obvious attraction for each other, if Bheema decided to hold on to all their grudges, that would be the end. And Suyodhana felt cold just thinking about it.

Bheema was silent. He wanted to believe Suyodhana, but what if he was wrong? What if Suyodhana was lying? He looked at the other man. Suyodhana was trying very unsuccessfully to look as if he didn't care, but Bheema could see right through him. It occurred to Bheema that he'd never actually read Suyodhana wrong. Not when he wanted to read him anyway.

He kissed Suyodhana hard. "Works for me," he whispered.

Suyodhana sagged with relief. "I've missed you," 

"And I you."

They kissed each other again.


	16. Chapter 16

"You didn't tell your brother?" Vasusena was surprised. "Why not?"

Arjuna fidgeted a bit. "I wanted to tell him. I'd decided to tell him. But then I thought that I should probably ask how you feel about it. If you're not happy about it, then, obviously, I can't tell them."

Vasusena was touched. "Look," he said. "I don't mind. Two of you already know, and I don't see how the rest of you knowing could make any difference."

Arjuna beamed. "I'll tell them. But I must warn you. Yudhistira is quite likely to confront mother about it."

"Which means I could expect a visit from her," muttered Vasusena. "Perhaps she would tell me who my father is."

"Perhaps," said Arjuna. He looked at Vasusena. "You are not very happy with this entire thing, are you?"

"I wasn't. But I'm getting used to it now"

"Maybe someday, you will be happy about it?"

Arjuna knew he sounded hopeful. He had to be hopeful. This was their brother and his eyes softened as they rested on him. They had wronged him a lot and they had a lot to make up for.

"You really mean it, don't you?" Asked Vasusena, something like wonder filling his heart. That Arjuna actually cared for him in so short a span was almost miraculous. Was he really so starved for love? 

For a moment, Vasusena felt his heart constrict painfully. Were his brothers truly starved for love? So starved that they would open their hearts even to one who had been their enemy till recently?

Arjuna's eyes met his. "Of course, I mean it."

"Of course you do," said Vasusena as he caught his brother in an awkward embrace. Arjuna hugged him so tight Vasusena thought it would leave a bruise.

"I'm glad you're willing to give us a chance," said Arjuna.

"So am I," said Vasusena, his arms tightening around his brother. "So am I."


	17. Chapter 17

Epilogue

"A dice game?" Bheema shook his head. "Seriously? You couldn't get any other pretext to get us to Hastinapura?"

"It got you here, didn't it?" Suyodhana kissed him. "Stop complaining."

"Still. A dice game," Bheema kissed him back. "What are you going to play for?"

"Perhaps I should ask your brother to stake you," he murmured, trailing kisses down Bheema's body. "That way, I can have you whenever I want."

Bheema laughed as he pulled Suyodhana to him for a kiss. "And what does your best friend have to say about that?"

"He has threatened me with all sorts of fates if I am to strip your brother of anything but tokens."

Bheema chuckled. "And how did you like that?"

"Actually, I didn't mind. I wouldn't even mind if I lose, as long as I can keep prolonging the game."

"For how long?"

"I don't know. As long as it takes."

"Takes for what? For your wife to come back from her visit to Anga?"

"Yes, about that..." Suyodhana sighed as he sat up. "I love my wife. But I don't want to lose you either."

"I know. And I'm in the same boat. So you didn't actually have to say it. Unless it's not what you meant to say."

Suyodhana rubbed the back of his head. "The thing is, Vasusena cannot keep doing this for us... I mean, he had his wife invite Bhanumathy there and I had to arm-twist my parents into letting her go irrespective of what a breach of protocol that is, since your mother and your wives were accompanying you here."

Bheema sighed. "I see your point. So, what do you suggest? That we tell them?"

"That seems to be best, doesn't it? I mean, I don't want to have a secret from my wife and I'm certain you don't either."

"And what if they are not happy with it? What if they object?"

Suyodhana looked haggard. "I don't know. I haven't thought about it. But I... I hope they won't. I mean... well, it's just as if we have one more concubine, isn't it? They don't exactly object to that!"

Bheema tried to keep a straight face, failed and went into peals of laughter. "I'm pretty certain they won't see it that way. But you're right. We have to tell them. Hopefully, they'll be convinced. I mean it's not as if we see each other every day. It's only going to be occasionally."

"Yes, that's right."

They looked at each other. 

"This does change things," murmured Bheema.

"I do hope so," whispered Suyodhana as their lips met again.


End file.
